“Looking back” – my time at the allotment

"Looking back" - my time at the allotment

An involvee looks back at their time working on AWP allotments.

Ray is a lived experience involvee from Bristol, who has been working at allotments run by Avon and Wiltshire Mental Health Partnership NHS Trust for the last two and a half years. Ray’s time as an involvee is now coming to an end, and so here, he’s decided to look back at the difference that nature has made to him in that time – and how he feels it has helped him grow.

“For the last two and a half years, I’ve been helping out at two different recovery team-based allotment groups in Bristol. Just as the year is coming to an end, my time with these groups is also coming to an end, and I’ve been reflecting on the benefits that connecting to nature in this way has brought to me.

I first attended one of the groups in November 2022 after a suggestion from my care coordinator. I didn’t leave the house much at the time, but one drizzly Thursday afternoon I pushed myself out of the front door to meet her at the site. I was struck by how non-clinical it felt – how non-pathologising. I didn’t feel like a “service user” or a diagnosis. I was simply a person. I also felt no pressure. I was told that participants got stuck in as much or as little as they liked. Being November there wasn’t much to do but prepare for the upcoming spring, so I helped make a little raised bed we could use the following year. Looking back, maybe that was symbolic of me preparing for my own personal winter to come to a close and for a slightly warmer and more hopeful season to begin.

Over the next seven months I kept attending, extremely sporadically at first, but more regularly as time went on. I got invested in what was happening. How are those potatoes we planted getting on? Have those sunflowers finally sprouted yet? What problems will nature throw at us this week? I got stuck in and I learned through doing. I became physically fitter and more socially engaged. I cherished the harvests. The tangible reward for all that hard work. Delicious accomplishment.

Above: The fruits of the labour - rhubarb, tomatoes, squashes and a courgette gathered from one of the allotments.

Whenever I struggled to leave the house on a Thursday afternoon, I reminded myself that I always felt better for it afterwards, a feeling that slowly started to spread beyond the bounds of those two hours a week. The natural world could cut through that dense heavy fog in my brain like nothing else had before. The fact that I was sometimes muddy and tired didn’t bother me much – if anything, it only made me feel more alive. Dirt on my hands connected me to reality. Physical work connected me to my body. Collaboration connected me to humanity.

As well as fostering connection, growing food helps me with other things I struggle with. To plant a seed is an act of hope. Failure (a frequent and common experience for all gardeners) encourages resilience. Success encourages confidence. The imperfection of nature gives me a chance to work on my own perfectionism. The cycle of the seasons slows me down, anchors me in the present and reminds me that nothing is permanent.

The group’s general philosophy of “just give it a go!” has helped me foster courage and a similar attitude in myself. Taking care of plants prompts me to take better care of myself. Plants and people need lots of the same things after all. Food, water, protection, support, space, time, warmth, sun, all in the correct amounts. Pruning away old wood to make room for fresh growth.

By mid-2023 I was preparing to be discharged from secondary services. I was pleased with the progress I had been able to make, but the uncertainty surrounding any transition can be stressful and this was no exception. This is when I learned about involvement. It takes many forms but for me and my fellow involvee, it’s a chance to contribute to the development and delivery of the groups. I like to think we’ve had a positive impact!

The groups feel genuinely co-produced and non-hierarchical, which in my view gives each group member the chance to feel more empowered. It’s been a genuine pleasure to witness people benefit through growing food, each in their own unique way. One thing that surprised me, although maybe it ought not to have, was how some staff responded after supporting the group, especially for the first time, and how much of a positive impact they said it had on their day.

I’ve also had the chance to talk about my experiences during a few training sessions, and it’s been encouraging to see the enthusiasm that is out there for nature-based practice and the diversity of work that is already being done in so many places.

Two and a half years is a long time, especially when it feels like we’re all under such time pressure. But sometimes things need a little while before they can really start to grow. I’m facing another transition now, and even though the uncertainty remains, I’m confident in my ability to navigate it. Because of these groups, I have, quite literally, grown.”